I wish my penis had an off switch
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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