Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
