I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
