I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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