real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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