On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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