I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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