Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
