I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
