I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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