And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
