Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
