just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
