oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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