where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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