absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
