Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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