omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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