While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
