Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
did i just pee glitter
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize