my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
