Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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