Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
