they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
did i just pee glitter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
