Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
