why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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