you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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