Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
