This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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