Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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