i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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