RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
