it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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