I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
