Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
