I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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