Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
