Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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