you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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