WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
