it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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