Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
