Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
