Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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