Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
