somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
