When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
