the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
