I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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