I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
