Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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