This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
