You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
