Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
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