I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
