Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize