He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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