Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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