capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
