Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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