woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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