I am puke
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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