u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize