Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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