Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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