I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
