my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
