Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
