Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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