he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
