That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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