This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
