the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
