sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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