Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
