the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
