Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
