Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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